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“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

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Monday, October 31, 2011 @ 7:27 AM

It's not who we have to see, it's who we want to see

:D

Shall start my post on a happier mood. Ah wells, promos-gettingbackresults-PWWRrushing, everything went by in a blur before I could even post about it!

Hmmm. Promos was bad. Bad as in bad bad and not not bad. But overall, despite my relatively dismay results, I think I learnt a lot from the promos this time!

If I had gotten such results just merely 2-3 months ago, I would have cried, wallowed in self-pity and loathe, been emo for a long long period of time, and miss out on all the good stuff that came later. But I think I grew up and mature quite a lot through this few months.

I was really really proud of myself when I got over Mathematics. For someone who hasn't seen anything lower than a B for Maths before (I'm not boasting. Blame it on easy NY papers), seeing an E written in red letters across your paper is kind of terrifying. Hell, it was the shock of my life. Well actually not. After Math paper I already had a sinking feeling that my marks would not be above a C/D, and most likely passing would be hard. Cause after leaving 20+ near 30 marks blank and doing the rest with aren't sure kind of answers, an E is actually quite expected. But one could hope heh :/

But then again, after crying for so long after Math paper (and scaring teammates and seniors with my dreadful tear-stained face altogether), I was kind of surprised that I didn't burst into tears after seeing my results. And now I look back, I'm kind of happy for that.

Because by not crying, I think I have taken the first step into admitting reality. It's there. The marks are the results of my choice and consequences and luck, and it has happened. Crying and moping isn't going to help.

And therefore I spent the whole day consoling people of higher math grades than me that not getting an A is not the end of the world.

I think getting and accepting reality is the hardest thing to do. We reject non-ideal ideas and would rather live in our own tiny perfect bubble. It's not to say that I'm not disappointed (cause I was and am), but it's just saying that it isn't something to cry about.

That's why, to be absolutely frank, I don't get people who go around moping and expecting people to console you. (Sorry. This is way too frank but there's no other way of putting it.)

I mean, just because more people console you, you'll feel better? Erm, the last time I check, we live our lives for ourselves, not others. I don't get it really. Maybe it's just me, maybe there are others who feel better with consolation. But if that's the case, shouldn't such feelings be expressed? Not telling you to go around asking people to console you, but share your feelings with people close to you, let them see your point of view.

I really don't see the point of going around being sad and then thinking that no one seems to care, when no one knew what you were feeling after all.

Hmmmmmmm. Call me insensitive or what not, but I don't think people's consolations really make me feel better. Probably help me wallow some-more in self pity.

WR was a massive head-block head-pain sleep depriving brain reducing agent. Am glad that it's over.

Moving on, now training hard for our Chingay performance next year :D HAHA

I think everyone's working hard, but then again, I know some people aren't happy with the line-up, because not all will get to perform, but overall I think it's a good push for better standards! I have never done any routines this fast before! Seems like training with guys in general (despite the huge decrease in ego) is good for us physically. Can't say so much of mentally, but I suppose it ups the standard altogether.

For dear Sarah who is currently confused and stuff, I must first claim that your confusion has nothing to do with me. I only stated the obvious (well slightly before it turned obvious cause of my wonderful perception) and then again even if I didn't say it you'll still get it later! Anyway you can try Alyssa's pointless experiment! Despite it being dubious and stuff, I think I'll be able to gather lots of entertainment from it (:

Oh. Alyssa. Your experiment, I must say, in scientific terms, lacks objectivity and purpose. And I think it's likely to yield no useful results! I don't get it! And you know I usually get it about this kind of stuff! But THAT does not make sense at all! Are you sure you want to take the advice of someone dubious as opposed to my awesome helpful advice?

I have OP coming up! And BioO! Must start studying soon ):