Monday, May 16, 2011 @ 7:36 AM
Roses
He had never liked roses.
Maybe he didn't like roses because of what they stood for, what he saw when he looked at a rose, maybe he just didn't like how they looked in general. Whatever it was, he was never a fan of roses.
Now though, twirling a rose in between in his fingers, he saw the flower in a whole different light. On the outside it was beautiful, flawless one may say. The steam was a thorny trail of warnings, warnings that the rose was not beautiful at all. It made no sense, no one would actually believe the warnings, how could something so pretty be dangerous? How could the beauty you could see before your own eyes not be pretty?
So you reach for the rose and you get cut and pricked by the thorns and awed by the beauty and finally the petals fall and your left with nothing but the pain of the thorns and the memory that the stem brings.
Was it worth it?
Was it really worth getting cut and scratched by the rose just to witness the beauty which didn't last nearly as long as the pain of the warnings? The thorny trail that lead to hurt and pain, was it worth it? Sure, you got to see the beauty, experience it, and while the beauty was alive and lasting you forget about all the pain you felt, all the pain you suffered in. But the beauty dies, it fades away and your left with pain again.
Seth frowned as his thoughts led his into a dark place; it wasn't fair that he had to suffer.
Flashback
The day was cold and it was nearing Christmas, Shane's birthday had just past and Seth's was just arriving. Everyone was in the holiday spirit, everyone was enjoying the season to its fullest. Everyone but two.
"I should call a doctor, I'm going to call the doctor so don't try and stop me," Seth said, pacing back in fourth in Shane's apartment. "They can fix this," He said more to himself, "It can be fixed."
Shane watched wearily from the black leather recliner he was perched on, his emerald eyes following the guy every move. He kept composed, despite the withering pain that brewed inside him he was silent and let him vent his thoughts. "Would you calm down, it's nothing," Shane said, feigning annoyance. "This happens all the time, just go home and sleep and by tomorrow I'll be fine." It'll be over by tomorrow.
Seth stopped his pacing and set his agonized hazel eyes on the boy in front of his, trying to keep the sadness that threatened to crush his at any moment at bay. "It's too soon, I thought we'd have at least a couple days...tomorrow?" Seth couldn't help but note the vile taste of metal that had taken over his mouth, he was going to be sick.
"You're going to...tomorrow."
"I'm not dying," Shane said nonchalantly, finally saying the word that he was so unable to speak. "I'm sick, everyone gets sick- stop freaking out."
He was lying, He could feel death taking over his slowly. He could feel it growing, feel it slowly burning his alive. It would burn everything in his body, but just enough to make his in such unbearable agony without killing his, then it would take his heart and end it. They had discussed it, He couldn't stop it, his mother had died the same death and there was no way to stop.
"It's almost Christmas, you said we'd go visit everyone for Christmas," his voice was breaking as he moved towards him. "Don't die Shane, you can't die."
"I can't do anything to stop it."
"Please don't, please, I'll do anything...just don't, ok? I...I..."
"Seth."
Words were useless, he couldn't say anything to console his. Instead he pulled his into his lap and stared straight ahead as He cried so many unspoken words 'I love you', 'don't leave me', 'don't die', 'I need you'. He sat and thought of the girl he had wanted his whole life, the girl who he was leaving, leaving a family he would never have the chance to have. And they sat holding each other close until there was no space, no boundaries left. No space. He didn't allow himself to think of anything other then him, the others would be ok. They'd have someone. He'd be, in a sense, alone.
He kissed him and tried to force his very being into his own so they'd never be separate. But wishes didn't come true and the night had to end.
He was gone by morning.
End Flashback
The beauty of the rose was unbearable, it was so amazing and freeing, he needed it to live. He was captivated and sucked in so deeply that when it faded he was left empty. He was no longer a person, he was no longer himself, he was a shell of the person he once was, could have been. Without the rose he was nothing. Pain haunted his every movement and the world had turned into a blur. Friends he had known for years turned to strangers, the world that was once so bright turned dim, it was all so meaningless. If the world was cruel enough to take the beauty away from his life, what would it take next? Anything he had, anything he was close to, it would all fade and die eventually too.
Was it worth it?
Maybe if he had never set eyes on the rose, maybe if he had listen to the warnings, maybe he'd be OK right now.
It was worth it.
Seth keeled down and placed the rose at the base of the headstone, tracing the name that was carved in the marble. He couldn't even imagine a life without him, without his love, all the pain he was suffering was worth the memories of his.
"Seth, time to go."
Seth looked up to see Erika extending her hand, it was time to go. It was time to lay the rose down and move on. Seth took her hand and stood, barley registering all the other people who stood in the sea of black. Even if the beauty had died, even if the pain still lingered. He'd always have the steam, He'd always have the memories.
He had never liked roses.
(I just had to post this, hands itching to write an angst right now cause someone refuse to let me end my story sad -.-)